Hi, Assalamualaikum.
It's been so long since I last updated this blog. To those who have been following me here (just to clear the air), I decided to hide all of my former posts. I decided not to share my past anymore, and let it remain to be saved as 'Draft', forever...
These past few days, I've been thinking about this way too much....
I've been going through my hard times these past few months. It all started on April 21, 2018. I don't even have the heart to talk about it anymore. Let's just pretend that you knew the story already. 'Cause i believe that you guys knew.
Now scroll up again and read the quote in the image that i attached. Let me ask you this one serious question, would you choose the former or the latter?
During my days (when I find myself sooo very hard to move on from this one particular love with this one guy), i always always always chose the former. I always wanted to start over with him, making things right and never do something that might drift us apart. I always believe there are rooms for a change. I always believe that he could still try and love me, like how he said he likes me a few years back. Me? I dont have nothing to worry about. I don't have to try hard on anything. As i always liked him, like never in any second that i hated him, regardless of what he did/say to me. One and only thing that i knew was, I CAN'T HELP BUT TO LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART.
Today, i'm brave enough to say that i was the stupidest person on earth. Why? One major reason is, how shamelessly i am that i allowed myself to stoop down to his level, continuing to love him when me myself already knew the fact that he stopped loving me? He didn't even try but then can bluntly say that we aren't meant to be together. Like how mean he was right? Maybe some of you might say, love, can't be forced. Then if im asking you this, why the hell did he tried his very best to get me, my number along with those promises at the first place? That's why i said he is such a mean person I've ever met.
Today, i decided to choose the latter of the quote above. And not gonna change my mind, forever. If i get the chance to go back with time, i would choose not to reply his DM on Facebook, to never exchange numbers, to never talk for like hours on the phone, to never give my heart to him. I am regretting everything now. I know that some might say, every person that comes in our life is either brings us memories or just gives us lessons. However, this guy right here didn't give me nothing of those two. The only thing that he gave me was, DREAMS THAT I WANT TO BURY FOREVER.
To be honest, i dont have the heart to write every detail here. It was the major nightmare that happened to me in this life of mine. I don't want to recall back anything, so maybe it'll be kinda confusing for you readers that know nothing about what actually happened to us, and you might think that i am just being sensitive. You can think of anything that you want, but if it happened for that guy to read this particular blog post of mine, i am very sure that he still remember every detail that he had done to me since 2012 until now. And for that, if I may request for you to just have at least 5 minutes to think back on what you have done to me, and then to have some common sense to do what is expected for you to do, please.
Just thinking of how you left me, how you treated me, how you've been calling me names and etc, please just know that i have been bleeding inside for quite some times. And it won't heal just like that. You left me scars that you never cared about. I will forever live in those memories, regretting my past life.
I dont care of how many girls that have been with you after me, i dont care which one of us that is the nicest (as what you always said right?) i dont care of everything. What i know now is, i regret knowing one guiltless prick like you. Like how the hell that i can give my pitiful pure love and heart to this kind of man? I will forever questioned myself on that, maybe till the end of my breath. Period.
Right at this moment, this is the question that i will ask myself over and over again until i get my answer, and then come back here to write again. Till then...
P/s: Take care everyone. Never give your everything to anybody, except for your family. As we won't know when they are gonna leave us, just because of the excuse; "We aren't meant to be together" without any piece of an effort to mend everything again like how it used to be.
